My Search for the Invisible
My interest in the invisible began long before Marco’s death. As a child, I knew the experiences I described earlier: the sensation of being outside my body, without fear. With the years came questions. What is consciousness? What do our dreams mean? How do we understand something we experience intensely but cannot explain?
During my busiest working years, those questions sometimes receded into the background. There was work, there were projects and my family needed me. Yet the questions remained. After losing Marco, they touched the deepest part of my existence. Where does love go when someone dies? How do you go on living with such an absence?
I began reading, searching and listening again. In different ways of understanding life, I recognized themes close to my heart: love, hope, compassion and connection. I found no answer that resolved all the other questions. I did find words and thoughts that helped me carry my grief.
Gradually, spirituality took on a very practical meaning for me. It needed to bring me closer to life and to other people. What is the point of speaking about the invisible if I do not truly see the person in front of me? My search gained value when it helped me listen, judge less quickly and love more attentively.
That does not take away my belief in a deeper connection. I cannot prove how Marco exists after death. But my bond with him has remained part of my daily life. I recognize something of him in Chiara and Laura, in the stories we tell and in the curiosity we shared. There are also feelings and experiences that I live through and interpret in my own way.
I do not need to explain everything to find meaning in it. The questions remain, alongside love. Above all, this search has brought me the wish to live more consciously: to pay attention to those who are here and preserve the memory of those I miss.
It is in that spirit that I tell the experiences that follow. I ask readers to make room for my story, just as I wish to leave room for their own beliefs.